Your Brain in the Bedroom: The Science of Desire
Jul 2
5 min read
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Sexual desire is a complex and multifaceted aspect of human sexuality that is influenced by various factors. To better understand this, we will explore the Dual Control Model as the framework for understanding sexual desire through the interplay of accelerators (factors that enhance desire) and brakes (factors that inhibit desire). Understanding what influences your sexual desire is crucial for a healthy and satisfying sex life. When you know what your accelerators and brakes are, you can better communicate your needs and preferences with your partner. This can help you both feel more connected and reduce misunderstandings or frustrations. By recognizing that sexual desire isn’t a one-size-fits-all experience, you can embrace the complexity and variability of your own and your partner’s sexual responses.
In this blog post, we will delve into the basics of the Dual Control Model, its origins, provide examples of accelerators vs. brakes, and discuss the importance of understanding and communicating these concepts with partners.
Crash Course on the Science of Desire
Before the Dual Control Model, we had the Masters and Johnsons approach. The Masters and Johnson approach to human sexual response was developed in the 1960s by William Masters and Virginia Johnson. Their groundbreaking research and conceptualization of sexual response phases helped shape early understandings of human sexuality and paved the way for further exploration and models in the field.
If the Dual Control model is like driving a car (accelerators and brakes), then visualize the Masters and Johnsons approach as a rocketship launching into space. Just as a rocket follows a precise and linear trajectory from liftoff to orbit, this model proposes a structured sequence of sexual phases: arousal, plateau, orgasm, and resolution. It suggests that sexual desire progresses predictably through these stages without deviation, much like a rocket ascending steadily toward its destination.
The Masters and Johnson model, while groundbreaking for its time, has played a role in shaping unrealistic expectations around sex, leading individuals to anticipate predictable and sequential sexual experiences. This version is what's popularized in movies and books, which is where many form early ideas and expectations about sex. For example, movies often show characters smoothly transitioning from a kiss or "the look" from their partner as a direct path to the bedroom where they lose themselves in the passion of the moment completely. This focus on physiological stages often results in performance pressure and neglects the emotional and relational aspects of intimacy. Additionally, it overlooks the significant role of psychological and contextual factors, potentially causing confusion, feelings of rejection, and stress when real-life experiences do not align with the model.
In 1990, Dr. John Bancroft and Dr. Erick Janssen developed the Dual Control model, which offers a more accurate lens through which to view sexual desire. This model builds upon the earlier work of Masters and Johnson and introduces the idea of the Sexual Excitation System to explain the complexities of sexual desire and response. Dr. Emily Nagoski, author of the wildly popular book Come As You Are, introduced the metaphor of driving a car for understanding sexual desire and the Sexual Excitation System (SES). Dr. Nagoski explains that sexual desire is influenced by things that speed it up (like feeling relaxed or romantic gestures) and things that slow it down (like stress or distractions).
While the rocket ship metaphor seems like the more exciting option, don't underestimate the potential of a great road trip! You might get to see new sights with your partner or revisit your favorite places, you can take turns driving, and most importantly you can learn to enjoy the 'journey' as opposed to focusing on the 'destination'.
The Basics of the Dual Control Model
The Dual Control Model explains that sexual desire is regulated by two systems in the brain: the excitatory system (accelerators) and the inhibitory system (brakes). These systems work together to manage sexual arousal and response.
Accelerators are things that can rev up your sexual desire, like physical touch, romantic gestures, or feeling emotionally connected to your partner. While brakes are factors that get in the way of or completely inhibit desire. Identifying what activates your accelerators and what triggers your brakes can help you better understand your own sexual response.
In the context of the Dual Control Model, if brakes are activated, it can hinder or prevent your sexual desire from moving forward or progressing. Just as brakes in a car are designed to slow down or stop its movement, brakes in the context of sexual desire can act as obstacles or inhibitions that impede the flow of desire.
For example, imagine a scenario where a couple is trying to initiate sexual activity, but one partner is feeling stressed and anxious due to work pressures. This stress and anxiety act as "brakes" in their sexual response system, hindering their ability to feel desire and arousal. The partner's mind is preoccupied with worries and distractions, making it difficult for them to relax and engage in the moment. In this situation, the activated "brakes" are preventing the smooth progression of sexual desire and intimacy. Just as stepping on the brakes in a car slows down its movement, the presence of inhibiting factors such as stress, anxiety, fatigue, or negative emotions can put a halt on sexual desire.
By identifying and navigating these inhibiting factors, individuals and couples can work towards creating a more supportive and conducive environment for accelerators.
Examples of accelerators:
Physical Stimuli: Touch, smell, sight, and sounds that are arousing. This can look like a clean room, mood music, candles burning, the possibilities are endless and unique to each person!
Emotional Connection: Feeling close and connected to a partner. Maybe they call you during the day just to remind you how much they love and appreciate you.
Novelty: New experiences or changes in routine that add excitement, like a spontaneous kiss from your partner when you get home from work.
Positive Self-Image: Feeling confident and comfortable with one's body. You might feel interested in intimacy after a great haircut or in an outfit that makes you feel good about yourself.
Examples of Brakes:
Stress and Anxiety: High levels of stress can decrease sexual desire.
Negative Body Image: Feeling self-conscious about one's appearance.
Relationship Issues: Conflict or lack of communication with a partner.
Physical Discomfort: Pain, discomfort or other physical issues that make sex uncomfortable.
Again important to remember that everyone is unique, these are just examples to consider as you think more in depth about your own experience.
Challenges Faced by Women in Understanding Their Accelerators:
Many women may not have been socialized to prioritize their own arousal and pleasure, leading to a lack of awareness of their accelerators. Research has shown that societal norms and expectations around female sexuality often focus on satisfying male desires rather than women's own pleasure. This can make it challenging for women to identify and explore what sparks feelings of desire.
Everyone has their own set of accelerators and brakes. Factors such as societal expectations, lack of sexual education, past experiences, and personal inhibitions can all contribute to difficulties in recognizing and embracing one's accelerators. It's essential to remember that every individual's journey towards understanding their own desires is unique, and it's okay to feel uncertain or unfamiliar with your accelerators.
Final Thoughts:
By identifying your personal accelerators and brakes, and learning how to manage them, you can navigate the complexities of sexual pleasure and arousal, leading to a more satisfying and enjoyable experience.
In the next series of blogs, we will delve into the complexities of desire and learn strategies to better understand your accelerators and navigate your brakes.
Additional Resources:
https://kinseyinstitute.org/research/dual-control-model.php
https://www.modernintimacy.com/how-to-have-great-sex-using-the-dual-control-model/
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